The Kage Wars
by The Kazekage of Suna
Summary: Naruto and Gaara are in a not-so-friendly competition to be the best there is. May the best Kage win...
1. May The Best Kage Win

Authors Note: This is a series of letters written between the new Hokage and the Kazekage. It is the not so friendly competition to be the best Kage.

* * *

**Dear Gaara,**

**Now that I am a Kage as well, I'd like you to know that I am already doing better than you have been doing! Isn't that ****shameful? I am sorry you turned out to be second best to me. I mean, I just ordered in an automatic noodle machines to be placed around the village! **

**Your always number one best friend,**

**Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_You're the only one that will use that machine. Please, you aren't even close to my level. I have a whole nation full of girls who would kill to meet me, Naruto. I have my own magazine spread for each season, I have stores around Suna dedicated to fan merchandise of myself. Also, I invented solar power._

_The one always above your level,_

_Gaara. _


	2. The Not So Truly Kage

**Dear Gaara,**

**Well, I _invented many new _****battle techniques, that is more impressive "solar" power! **

**In your face,**

**Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_You were a genin for a majority of the period leading up to your lucky shot to being a Kage. I surpassed you fairly easy, not to mention my S class mission history defeats yours. By the way, my "solar" power, has made Suna officially in the lead for economy. _

_Yours __truly, _

_Gaara._

* * *

**Dear my not so truly friend,**

**You think you're such a hot shot, hm! You're the one that stole my idea of becoming a Kage! **

**Not so truly,**

**Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_Does it bother you I achieved the dream you wanted in a short amount of time?  
_

_Sincerely,_

_Gaara._

* * *

**Dear Gaara,**

**Fuck you. **

**-Naruto**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_Save that for Sasuke._

_-Gaara._


	3. Get Laid Kage

**Dear Gaara,**

**At least I have got with chicks.**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_The day you get laid is the same day your tiny package grows. Sai told me that one._

_Sincerely,_

_Gaara._

* * *

**Dear GAARA,**

**You are an ASSHOLE.**

* * *

Naruto,

Do you kiss Sasuke with those lips?

-Gaara

* * *

**Gaara,**

**You know what! At least I don't act like a 40 year old virgin!**

**-Naruto**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_I could easily have more than you in two seconds flat._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Dear Gaara,**

**Your ass can't even hug a girl! Let alone shake her hand! **

**- Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_Who cares? At least I can run a nation without acting like a retard._

_-Gaara._


	4. The Shrinking Kage

**Dear Gaara,**

**Today, I lost my virginity.**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_Every time you lie, your penis shrinks._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Dear Gaara,**

**At least I can afford that loss...**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_The more I think of it, I am surprised vaginas lose length._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**You are such a dick. **

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_My __personality compensates for what you lack._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**You're paler than Sai's ass!**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Why have you seen Sai's ass..._

_-Gaara._


	5. The Right Hand Kage

**Dear Gaara,**

**Enough about sex, you horn-dog.**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_I __literally can not...you suggested it._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Dear Gaara,**

**Wellll, guess what? I have my first ****girlfriend.**

**Your not so single friend,**

**Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naurto,_

_Your right hand doesn't count._

_To my still single friend,_

_Gaara._

* * *

**Dear Gaara,**

**It's not my right hand!**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_My apologies, your left one._

_The one who owned you,_

_Gaara._


	6. Wannabe Kage

**Dear Gaara,**

**Do you have porn books?**

**-Naruto**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Why would I partake in your grotesque activities?_

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**Why do you think, I read them!**

**Your angry friend,**

**Naruto**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Oh, I don't know, the fact you mentioned it?_

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**Fair enough. **

**-Naruto**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_In relevant Kage news, Suna is now number one in tourist destination._

_-Gaara_

* * *

**Gaara,**

**Why in God's name would anyone travel to that sand pit of hell? Konoha is indisputably the best tourist destination, the land doesn't kill people.**

**-Naruto**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Because their Kage is actually attractive._

_-Gaara_

* * *

**Gaara,**

**You look like a fucking panda.**

**-Naruto**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_You look like a fucking wannabe fox._

_-Gaara._


	7. The Punny Cage

**Dear Gaara,**

**Do you like ramen?**

**-Naruto**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_No. Only fresh blood._

_-Gaara_

* * *

**Gaara,**

**No wonder you were a ****psycho killer.**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Too soon. Too soon._

_Your disappointed friend,_

_Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**Sorry bro...I guess I...killed the moment...**

**Your punny friend,**

**Naruto**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Enough._

_-Gaara_

* * *

**Gaara,**

**You're right, I am beating this horse to death!**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Fuck you._

_-Gaara_


	8. The FanGirl'd Kage

**Dear Gaara,**

**Do you buy your clothes from the emo store?**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_Better than the little boy's section._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**Nuh-uh! I shop regular men's clothes!**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Men that dress like little boy's fetish section._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**You aren't funny.**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naurto,_

_To my fangirls, anything I say is funny._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**My fangirls too!**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_There's one, the freaky eyed Hyuga._

_-Gaara._


	9. The Insulting Kage

**Dear Gaara,**

**Did you piss your period? Your hair isn't a tampon!**

**-Naruto**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_Is your ass jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth?_

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Dear Gaara,**

**Harsh! Harsh man!**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_Don't take a joke like you take dick, hard._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Dear Gaara,**

**Stop being such a pussy.**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_I simply take what you can't get it._

_-Gaara._


	10. The Not So Two Inch Kage

**Gaara,**

**I'll have you know today was National Ramen Day. I am that powerful. I made a holiday. lel sweg.**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Dear Naruto,_

_Not only does your usage of "__lel sweg" appall me, but the fact you have created a holiday for a cheap food. Also, I signed off on a document prohibiting the observation of "National Ramen Day" for Suna now._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**Suck a dick.**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Sasuke does that for you._

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**I will cut your two incher off! **

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_9 inches*_

_-Gaara._

* * *

**Gaara,**

**EW MAN WHAT THE ****HELL!?**

**-Naruto.**

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Sai informed me the only two incher around was you._

_-Gaara._


End file.
